In my continuing effort to be real… can I admit that thinking about thinking about God is much easier than just thinking about Him?
He’s so absolute. You start reading the gospels and -wham- you slam up against Jesus’ Godness. I can’t wrap my mind around Him.* I can’t wrap my mind around the bright-white intensity of His goodness and love and justice. You know how God said that seeing even a tiny bit of Him would kill Moses? That’s kind of how I feel. Overwhelmed.
I’m working on it. 🙂 I’ve asked… He’s answered. So lovingly, so gently. Honestly even His gracious answer blows my mind. -shakes head- CrazyPants.
The intensity of His light is sometimes why I run away from Him. But it’s also why I respect** Him.
When we reflect God’s light, sometimes people run away from us. Oh well. Shouldn’t darken the lantern because it blinds eyes used to the darkness. Just wait, and eventually their eyes will adjust and they’ll be able to look at the true Light for themselves. Grow some curiosity. Learn to crave goodness and joy. Just wait. Everyone is shocked at first.
But. As I said. God is scary and awesome and I have a hard time thinking about Him. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to write about Him. I feel like sitting on the rug, jaw-dropped and whimpering quietly, just edging around. But. But. I think I need to spend some time thinking about Him, even if I can’t bring it to y’all. Because… that’s what we were all ultimately created for – to be with Him.
Mindblowing. Absolutely Mind.Blowing.
It *is* easier to concentrate on ourselves, and our failures. Sometimes it’s appropriate. Sometimes it’s not. Sometimes, we just need to sit and stare.
*DUH. Wasn’t it CS Lewis who said that if we could understand God, He wouldn’t *be* God? The temporal can’t understand the infinite.
** Soooo not an adequate word.