I’ve been sorting out my responses to the crazy going on… it’s not like I’m not stressed, although coming down with Corona isn’t what fusses me. It’s the other humans.
I have to admit, I have lacked grace. I have let a lot of anger come into my heart and take up residence.
I don’t like it when the people around me aren’t chill. I feel like I have to DO something to fix… when sometimes, that’s not my job. I want us all to work together! I want us all to be positive! Let’s make the best of things and help each other! Rah!
-puts down her pompoms-
But the folks who don’t have hope – those folks aren’t cooperating. They’re sitting in fear, feeding it. No amount of pompoms and positivity is going to change how someone whose hope is in this life feels when mortality knocks on the door.
I’ve been letting other people set my emotional tenor. My reactions to other people’s reactions.
I’m not going to beat myself up – in the flesh – because it is natural that my flesh responds like this. It is natural to pick up the vibe when you’re in a crowd (well, not in a crowd, in the grocery store separated by blue tape on the ground). That’s flesh. Okay. That’s MY flesh. -deep breath- But from where should my attitude – and my actions – originate? Not my flesh. Not MY strength. God.
I’m going to have to lean very very heavily on Him to get through this with mercy. To speak, act, and THINK with grace.
It’s time to give up doing on my own strength, holding on to my own ability to self-control, and turn myself over to God. That’s my self-control now – controlling my thoughts enough to say, “God’s ways, not my ways” and asking for His perspective.
I’m not going to do it on my strength, and I’m not going to try to grit my teeth and force it. I know where I stand – and I’m angry. I’m hurt. That’s as it is. I can’t fix me, but God can. I choose to let Him do what He will.
Ecclesiastes 7: 9-10 Do not be eager in your heart to be angry,
For anger resides in the bosom of fools.
Do not say, “Why is it that the former days were better than these?”
For it is not from wisdom that you ask about this.
We’ve been put here for such a time as this. Time to play the cards we’re dealt.