Here’s one of my failings… I’m a curious monkey. I always want to know, and when I know, I want to know *more*. It doesn’t matter if it’s my business or not – I always want to know!!! My friends are familiar with the phrase, “Tell me all about it – and give me the footnotes!”
God’s been working on me to trust Him ever more deeply, and He was working on me today. There was something I wanted to dig into, ever so badly. So I was hanging out the laundry just now and saying, “But why? Why do I want to know this?” “Because I do”. “But why?”
And finally I sorted out that A) it’s a control thing – knowledge is power and B) knowledge gives me the illusion that I can brace for impact. I can control my reactions, I can control my responses, I can be in charge! Because obviously I am awesome and if I just think things through enough, and have enough information, I can totally make the right choices. (eyeroll)
But God wants me to surf the waves of life, not try to control them. He wants me to be available to Him. Not on my own, because I am an inveterate peeler of loose paint – can’t leave well enough alone. And so – I have to wait. And learn patience. And *trust Him* to put the right words in my mouth.
Not related to the curiosity above, I had a convo this morning that’s waited about twenty years. Only got through half of what needed saying… but things that needed saying got said. And I wouldn’t have expected it. Didn’t expect to be wide awake while my house slept, with instructions from DH to leave them sleeping. Didn’t expect that person to talk to me. Didn’t expect to talk about the subject matter if we *did* talk.
How could I have braced for that impact? I couldn’t have. But I asked God this morning to use me however He liked, and I guess He did. And as always, I’m up for more! -laughs- I hope God thinks I’m funny… someone should get some amusement out of me.