I am a forger-ahead. I like to think and plan and plan and think and if I can’t figure out how to break into the nut one way, I’ll turn it over and hit it from the other side. The World’s advice to be the captain of your own destiny, to leverage every connection you have… all of that falls on very fertile ground when it falls in my ears.
Separate from that, I have a message I need to get out. It’s important, and it’s my job. “For such a time as this”.
In the meantime, I need to start earning some money. The season of my staying at home has ended. It’s been good. I look at the “fruit” and am pleased. But now what?
I DON’T KNOW.
I don’t like not knowing. See paragraph 1. I can’t plan and poke and prod if I don’t know where I’m going. And darnit. I do know where I want to end up. But how to get there from here? I tried MY way. It’s not like it was horrible, but it didn’t work all that well either. (Clients, turns out you can’t form them from thin air).
What do I know?
- I know God’s got this. I know this absolutely. God’s got this. I’ll have a job when I need one. It will be right. It will be enough.
- I know I have to do the thing I’ve been tasked with. It won’t go away. If I start talking about it, people slap me with fish until I agree to start writing again.
- I know that I don’t know how to say all the things I need to say, and that I need to say them in a way that’s real, raw, true, clear, and hits home – hard.
- I know God will speak through me, if I let Him. I know I’m going to have to let go of my own thoughts, and my own ways. I’m going to have to take risks, and stop being quite so “nice”. I have to face my fears.
All my study, all my reading – you know what I learned? In the Bible, while God consistently teaches that sensible planning for the future is part of one’s daily tasks, that’s not how great things happen. Yes, a wise man counts his coins before building a castle… but equally, only a fool places his faith in the full granary he just completed – it’s Christ alone in Whom we are instructed to have faith.
The passage of Scripture that I am returned to, again and again, is when Peter stepped out on the waves to walk to Jesus. Peter walked on water too – until he took his eyes off of our Lord. When we have faith in ourselves, in our ways, in our abilities, we fail. When Esther prayed and fasted for three days before speaking to King Ahasuerus she knew she was going to have to work in God’s strength, not her own. She’d been queen for five years – she knew what happened to those who walked in on the king without permission. She went in faith.
When we step forward in faith, we are not stepping forward in our own strength, in our own abilities, or in our own ideas. We are surrendering to obedience in God. It is a surrender, to trust that totally.
I don’t know how that’s going to operate in my life. You know, starting MONDAY. But I know in Whom I trust, and I know that He’s sufficient.