God’s been washing worry out of my system. It’s not a me thing, so don’t expect a “how-to” lesson. Come sit with me and wonder at His work.
I have some major stuff going on in my home. Won’t elaborate, ‘cuz private. But major-major. And God keeps saying, “I got this”. And then within hours of my coming and asking, He *starts* showing me how He’s got whatever it is. It’s not done, and if you feel like throwing prayer my way, I’d appreciate – but He has moved radically and consistently, and we are all so much in the palm of His hand that it is jaw-dropping.
In 2019 I was ridiculously overscheduled. He’s shown me why I did that to myself, and He’s gradually removed item after item from my schedule, until I looked up and said, “oh wow – I don’t actually have to schedule things with a shoehorn? When did this room open up? ” It’s awesome. As God has been doing that, He’s been increasing my trust in Him. Like, I find myself *really* trusting in His promises, like they’re set in stone. That’s weird. I mean His personal promises to me and mine, not Bible verses. So, yeah, it’s weird. (I KNOW IT’S WEIRD).
I’ve got things going on with my last ministry. And I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I brought it up today in prayer and … now I’m just chilling. Like, “God will make His will clear to me in due time”. I could be all worried about it and fidget with it, as would have been my habit six months ago. But now I don’t feel a need.
COVID nonsense – to vax or not to vax, which vax to get, etc. Don’t know. Not worried. I might have to get that done. If I do, I do. And then whatever will be, will be. Might not. Not fretting about it. Everyone on both teams finds this deeply irritating of me. -shrug- It’s not my problem. A lot of things just aren’t my problem, and when they’re not, I’ve stopped feeling a need to fret about them. Y’all – *I* find this confusing. It’s so not me. But … I guess it is now? New me. That’s a thing, there’s a new me.
God is blessing me and mine and walking us through the storm, and He has promised great things in His time, and He has His hands on us. A lot of things just aren’t my problem. I do what I’m called to do, when I’m called to do it.
I feel a bit disconnected from even my friends, because I kinda want to take the disconnect further. Do I need to track the latest outrage? The adrenaline rush is fun, but it’s not my problem. What do I put in its place? What do I intake? There are only so many times a gal can watch someone plant a tomato… I dunno. I should pick that up in prayer.
I haven’t been writing much this past year. That was one of the things that was taken from me. I hope that it is only for a season. I haven’t been updating any of the blogs really. Probably lost a slew of readers, insofar as I have them. I’ve always liked writing about what is on my mind and heart, and the stuff is so deep and so subtle that it’s hard to write about how things are changing.
There are big changes coming soon. Don’t know when. Don’t know how. Don’t know what. But big change.
Anyhow, I wanted to write about the hakuna matata – no worries – because it’s very wonderful to live like this, but it’s also very very confusing. I don’t know how to be a people in the world today when only the surface is getting ruffled, the well is deep and quiet and looking ever inward – and upward. This is what I wanted, but I don’t know how to be this person. I don’t know me. Yet. I suppose I will, once God’s done with this chapter in the book of changes.
I’m looking forward to seeing what He’s doing.