Inward Focusing – My Assistance

So, this is happening this week:

This is actually my puppy, incoming. Breeder’s son. 8wks in this photo.

And eventually this is what will have happened:

Not me, not my breeder. Demonstration of size of fully grown Leo.

But this isn’t my locked personal blog. This is the more general, theological blog. Why am I showing you dog photos?

Because I’m learning the *weirdest* lessons and being directed in the *weirdest* ways right now. Or at least they feel weird, and that weirdness is part of my lesson – to let GO already.

I’m supposed to be chilling out, resting, receiving, and becoming focused on the inner world, both of my own head, and in my literal inner world – my home. I’ve gotten myself so overwrought about being perfect, going outward, that I’m completely out of balance. Even to THINK about looking inward and allowing myself to be cared for is uncomfortable.

I’ve done the things. I’ve put up food for the coming storm. I’ve read my Bible through. I … do the things. I do ALL THE THINGS I CAN THINK OF. Except chill and rest and wait, because SURELY I FORGOT SOMETHING AND I SHOULD BE DOING SOMETHING ELSE AND……

I know I’m out of alignment and this is causing problems. I got a mentor. She’s helping me with this. She had me think through some things and return Scripture to her, and I’m mulling on that. “What is it to you?”

I feel bad about being gifted. Guilty for being loved. But I am not the Creator. He has made all of His creation for His purposes – some for nice things. Even to type that is uncomfortable for me. Terribly.

So. Last week my husband said, “we can get a dog once the fence is fixed” and I went looking for a puppy. I knew breeders (Proper Breeders) want a contract signed in blood and for this breed, waiting lists that span years. I had a bad experience with one some years ago. (Yes, Giant Puppy is very well researched). But you can buy puppies online. It’s a thing. I found one. She’s Leonberger crossed with 20% Newfoundland (which is a little irrelevant, since Leos are part Newf anyway). In CANADA.

To make a long story short, just opening the conversation turned into, ‘well, I have a shipment of puppies coming through on Monday” and I’ll have the pup here Thursday/Friday. (The end of the journey will be by car). YIKES. Big changes.

A puppy will, of necessity, help me become more childlike… I’m super stoked, but DANG. Apparently to learn to receive, I need a board upside the back of my head.

Anyway. Puppy. 😀