Continuous Grace

I was going to link the song, “I get knocked down, and I get up again” but it has all the drinking references so … nah.  But that’s what this feels like.   You get your feet properly under you and -wham-  you get knocked for a loop.  Then you take a minute, get your feet under you, and stand back up.

I read my own last post, and … yeah.   That.  Mercy and Grace and leaning on God.  Yep.  But God’s pounding it into my bones.  I.Cannot.Do.This.On.My.Own.   Total dependence on Him.  And… a lot of revealing of sin I didn’t know I had.   Stuff that needs dealing with, when the sun comes out again.   Well, that’s what storms are for – to reveal what needs fixing.

The mercy and grace for others I’m learning is a thing based on my own stupid flip outs (hey guys – sorry!).   Well, *I* don’t think the stuff I’m flipping out about is stupid – but if it’s not your flavor of fear, you probably do.    And likewise.  I am still not worried about getting Covid.  I tell y’all – I had something very similar last summer.  It REALLY SUCKED.  My whole family had it.  But … it really sucked and we got through and we’re here and … yeah.  Whatever.  You know?

But my fam is basically healthy.  I wouldn’t want my dad to get this, or even my mom.  (Dad almost-got TB and used to be a smoker, both of my parents are in their late 70s).  So – I get you, people who are afraid of the illness.    And I’m getting pounded to get that mercy into my heart, not just in a polite smile.  (Things I’ve learned:  It’s really hard to be merciful when you’re angry).

We have to be willing to love – agape – people who aren’t just like us.  To get into their heads and see their hearts and love them.  Maybe love ’em in spite of what’s in their hearts.  But at least go there and say, “but for the grace of God go I”.

I dunno.  Real talk, I’m ready for this to be over so I can fix the roof and prepare for the next storm.   But I guess I’ll just keep putting out buckets and paying attention to how the wind sings through the eaves.

Still learning.

2 thoughts on “Continuous Grace

  1. Elspeth

    You’re not the only one dealing with your own sin during this. Trust me on that, Sister.

    My fears -such as they are- are not about getting the virus either. Not really, even though technically I *should* be afraid? I do have a mild blood pressure issue.

    Trying to keep my imagination from running ahead of God (as one of my friends phrased it) is the challenge. I can easily start envisioning financial crisis, government tyranny, Christian oppression, Further community breakdown, and a whole host of bad things emerging as a result of this. And it makes me tense, which is not at all helpful.

    You pray for me, and I’ll keep praying for you. Sounds like we both need it.

    1. hearthie Post author

      Can do!

      I’m irritated by my failure to live up to my Corrie ten Boom fantasies. I might write about that on ramblings later. If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that what is in the heart and what is in the head ARE NOT THE SAME. I’m not rationally afraid of *anything*. But boy howdy did my back and belly get tied in knots over last weekend’s sewing project. I can barely explain half of that, even to myself. Ridiculous. But real.


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