Just saw a phrase that gelled something for me…
The thing with late marriage is that you think you should “know who you are” and “be your own person” and “be ready” to be married. The model makes you think that you are going to have to fight to stand your ground. Like you’re a whole person, and you’re partnering with another whole person. Coincidentally (not) this model is often referred to as “partnership”.
With early marriage, you accept that you’re not a finished product, and that you’re going to do your growing up with the other human, and yes – that will change you and shape you and make you something other than you’d be on your own. The model is that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. You should start out with a healthy other (character/physical) but you’re going to become one, and that’s pretty much the point.
Since the respective models have differing assumptions and differing goals, it’s not weird that when we try to communicate with one another, we don’t do very well. “Oh, look at that young couple! So beautiful!” “She’s much too young to get married – she doesn’t know herself!” Err… we’re not speaking the same language.
Communication is important.