That’s the message I’ve been getting repeatedly this last few months. Only, and I’m just going to be honest here, I’m not entirely sure how to do that. No, don’t comment the basic stuff, I get that, I do that. Worship, prayer, devotions, Bible reading – check. But when I stare at Jesus I either get to feeling like a scrubby worm and then curl up on myself and beat myself up, or I get so excited I expect change instantly – and I get unacceptably impatient.
The practice of gratitude was way more helpful – looking at the ways in which God has come through in our lives, usually just in the nick of time. I have been present for miracles of timing that have changed the course of my life – repeatedly.
Just writing this out (y’all know I write to think) … When I’m looking at Jesus and thinking about Him in relation to me, I’m really still looking at myself. I need to *relax* and just look at Him. Watch Him in all the ways He is working, observe His character, and just chill out.
It’s difficult to truly give over my concerns and my timing and just be. If there is something I am terrible at, it’s living in the moment. Even though I know that I can trust Jesus with everything, I … well, I like to work. I like to be doing and shaping and planning. (I really really love planning).
I see this tendency and I understand it – although I am surrendered to His will in my life, it’s not like I’m opinion-free. It’s not like every decision of His for me has been what I wanted (and that absolutely includes the things that were for my own long-term best interest that I didn’t know in that moment). Humans strive, we want to do things on our own. -shakes head- If there is one lesson that I keep getting, it’s that one. I don’t know why I don’t get to go off and do things on my own (perfectly appropriate, normal things) but I’ve been choke-chained more than once.
I have to let go and just trust. JUST trust. Not “trust and do” – just TRUST and look to HIM, not to me, not to anyone else. If y’all think that sounds easy, you haven’t done it.
Matthew 14: 28 Peter said to Him, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” 29 And He said, “Come!” And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!”31 Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and *said to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”
When I look at the wind, or the waves, I stop looking at Jesus. I CANNOT walk on the water, so I might as well stop trying to figure out how.