Reading the Tea Leaves

I have two modes.

  1. Hanging around, analyzing every little bit of everything, trying to figure out how I should improve myself, what I’m doing wrong, etc.
  2. Running for the horizon, bit in my teeth, doing what I’m doing and not paying a bit of attention to anything else.

There’s no middle ground.  Sorry.  I’m (almost) 43.  I’d have noticed by now.

I’ve been in the former state for some time now, trying to figure out what I should be doing, where I should be serving, how I can *do more*, *be more*, etc.  Except… maybe I’m fine.  Maybe that’s what God’s been trying to tell me.  It’s not like I’m not taking the opportunities to serve that I’m given.  Maybe I just need to do what I’m doing.  Maybe instead of doing MORE things, maybe I should work on learning more about what I’ve been given – go deeper, not broader.

That too is something I’ve been given more of lately – from every corner, “use your mind as well as your heart”.    Because my faith is in the bone, there are a lot of questions that I am not bothered to ask.  But, as I grow and have more opportunities to share my faith, I need to be able to answer those questions.

Because that *is* how I use this peaceful life – I have time for other folks.  I’m the one who has time to sit down and chat for an hour (okay, it’s on the phone and I’m ironing) when you need a friend.  And that’s a ministry, even if there’s no tag to wear around my neck.

So.  Reading those tea leaves, trying to figure out what I *should* be doing, what comes next?  It’s time to fill my cup back up and stop poking about, trust God and my husband* to lasso me if I start running the wrong direction, and do what I’m doing – only better.

More?  More study.  More notes.  More life (family, art, friends).  I’m looking all over for where I should be – and where I should be is right where I am.



*For your amusement, this morning I was telling DH about this and he was laughing at me, so I said, “you really don’t question yourself constantly?”  “No.  No I don’t.” Wow.  What must it be like to just do what you’re doing and not worry about doing it wrong?

6 thoughts on “Reading the Tea Leaves

  1. seriouslyserving

    “Maybe instead of doing MORE things, maybe I should work on learning more about what I’ve been given – go deeper, not broader.”

    I feel like I’m in this place at the moment. I’m not interested in taking on new things. I am trying to hone in on what I already have to do, and learn to do it better.

  2. Maea

    This post reminds me of something my husband told me years ago. He was getting frustrated during a conversation and said “Damn, sometimes you think too much for your own good.” LOL

    I’ll be honest, I actually do need novelty in order to feel reinvigorated or engaged, or else I drive myself and husband nuts due to my boredom or disinterest. It’s a good idea to focus on what you’re already doing, to do it better as seriouslyserving mentioned. It’s also a good idea to add onto it, without reading the tea leaves.

  3. Elspeth

    I can attest that Hearth does take the time to chat when you need someone to talk something out with. Sometimes you (well, I) need a mature feminine point of view -and my husband agrees. She offers it. I have never spoke to someone both matter of fact, hard truth telling and gracious at the same time. What a gift!

    So to you, Hearth, I say what I always say to you. You seem to blazing your trail just fine on all fronts. Your natural inclination to push forward full speed ahead sometimes clouds your ability to see it, but you are. Trust me, :0)


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