This was a wonderful week of being taken outside of myself and outside of my strength – and this post is a praise, and something to muse upon.
Because I didn’t have the strength to do the things I had to do… I had to pray, and ask my friends to pray for me. And I was given sufficient strength to do all that I needed, and more.
Because I didn’t have the wisdom to counsel … I prayed, and asked friends to pray, and was given the words that needed to be said.
Because I was faithful and went to do the church-work that I signed on to do, even though it could have been rescheduled, I was blessed and refreshed in my work.
I was blessed to be asked to pray by some of my sibs in Christ, blessed in fellowship online and off, and so what I bring out of this week is a profound sense of the unity of the family of Christ, and a gratitude for all of you, my sisters and brothers.
Subsisting outside my strength and competence, this came to me: I need to trust God more, rest in Him more, and remove “myself” from the equation more often. I want to move to a place where I am as interested and excited about what God might choose to do through me today as I am about anyone else – and as separate from any sense of pride.
I battle frustration in my evangelical work. Some sow, some water, some reap. I do what I can about sowing and watering, but reaping hasn’t been given to me. Not for lack of trying or praying! It is frustrating, when you care deeply about the end result, to not see fruition. I want to just … try harder! Must try harder! But that is the flesh.
It is time for me to take my hands off and let them be directed from Above. To eagerly accept any opportunity to bless or to speak or to love… but not to try to plan those opportunities and figure out what I “should” say or do. To not grab after the joy of being involved, but to rest and let God work through me.
It is hard to accept that other humans have their own timetables, their own stuff going on, and that it is impossible to know enough of the contributing factors so that you can say, “if I X, then Y will occur”. Heavens, even if you knew everything, there’s still free will.
I want to be the best blessing I can be – and that means that I let God choose, not me. God knows better, He loves the people around me more than I do, and He knows my abilities and my heart – and He knows the right moment.
I must rest in Him.