Hat tip to BB… whose comment: in regards to marriage purpose statements gave me some great stuff to mull over in the back of my head for the past week or two.

Another hat-tip… I was just taking a mental break and went over to Jess’ place and SLAM!  Here you go.

I am someone who is continually sanding herself down, continually working to find the right balance.   I work to think up good schedules and priorities, and then I let those run along while I get on with the rest of my life.   Give things a month or two, and see what needs tightening up.   I’m also a person whose unofficial priorities (the emotional ones) sneak in and have to be defended against.

My goal is to become a Proverbs 31 wife.  When I picture the Prov 31 lady, I see a lady in her 50s.  She’s still strong, still capable of taking just about everything life can dish out – but she also has a lifetime of skills to draw on, and is far enough along that she is reaping the benefits of the investments made.  She has grown children, she has handmaidens, she has a husband who is hanging out at the gates of the city.  This woman is a woman in her full maturity.

The season of life that I find myself in (see “week in the life of me”) is primarily concerned with maintenance and supervision.  My children are older – 10 and 14 – and well able to keep up with their own work as long as I provide guidance and an occasional prod.   It is time for me to – having gotten the most important things going – to start work on the other parts of my life.  (Without letting my primaries slip).  (I’m 41, fwiw).

I spent the last year doing an internship at church, so I can be part of serving the Body in a more organized fashion.  And I’ve been trying to get my sewing skills off the ground – make a bit of a business of it.  But I find that I still have the mentality that my sewing is a “me thing” – and so is my physical activity.  Even though a long walk in what will have to do as the woods does me no *end* of good psychologically and physically… I feel a bit guilty.

So, since making intelligent investments in the future is a big part of being a Proverbs 31, it’s time for me to look very carefully at my life and see where I’m being nibbled to death by ducks, and it’s time for me to ruthlessly squash guilt when it rears its ugly head.   There are times when I’m being a lazy-bug, but more times when I’m just spread too thin and suffering for it.

It’s all putting theory into action!

4 thoughts on “Priorities

  1. Maeve

    Maybe it’s just the place I’m in now, but the left me thinking “don’t even bother – you’ll never make it.” This kind of came on the heels of reading some post (or maybe a couple) that had these seemingly endless lists of “what a good wife is”. After reading them, well I guess it’s no wonder my husband left. I’d never have been able to come close. it.

    1. hearthie Post author

      I am forever messing my own head up with my priorities and have to back down from perfectionism. Had this talk with DH this weekend. He’s like, “this is a living house…” and he’s perfectly happy with my less than sterile house. (Which is good, his workboots alone would leave me grinding my teeth if I were expected to keep the floors immaculate – much less our four cats, dog and two children). MY issue is that I start reading around too much and think “Oh I have to interpret his behavior thusly…” when really he’s told me time and again that if he doesn’t like something he’ll tell me straight out. Or when I start comparing myself to other women. No. My family is my family, and I do what works best to keep our lives working well.

      I live a very peaceful life when I don’t overload *myself*. And when I keep the number of plates I’m spinning reasonable. When I overload? Ugh. :p I’m finally calming down … at least for the moment… and taking back my life and it feels SO GOOD.

      So, please don’t compare yourself to my very calm life. Things I don’t do:
      – I don’t do deep cleaning except once or twice a year. I maintain my home, I don’t keep a museum.
      – I don’t drive my kids to much in the way of activities, and nothing that I have to wait around for. (This is huge).
      – My kids are homeschooled, but the curriculum is through the charter school – so basically I keep them on task and make sure their “homework” gets done on time and they get unstuck as needed. I spend a lot more time with 10yo than 14yo! This means no messing around with school stuff – or very minimal compared to what I used to have to mess with, even when they were in elementary school.
      – I don’t have a job.
      – My church work is minimal, and I do it from home. I am hoping to take more on – but what I want to do in addition is again, largely from home and entirely in line with my nature. I don’t do women’s groups or any of that. I don’t like it, I won’t go. (This occasionally causes friction, and … well, that’s not my problem).
      – I am not able to keep farm animals (including chickens) or much of a garden (drought and poor soil) and am constantly behind on my weeding. I don’t can or do much in the way of food storage because we just don’t live somewhere that that is feasible. I *can* do most of that, but it’s more of a hobby here – there’s no monetary benefit. Sure, I could dry some rosemary – but my rosemary bush is happy year-round, so why?
      – I am not extremely frugal. I keep an eye on things, but I don’t obsess.

      I don’t think it’s useful to compare yourself to other women. Hey, my hubs would probably love that you hate nutmeg – it’s not his favorite either! :p It took me a ****long time**** to stop trying to be the Universal Perfect Wife and just do the stuff that MY husband cares about – including taking care of myself so I’m not insane or miserable, because he cares about that too.

      **hugs you**

    2. Bike Bubba

      Part of the deal with Christian marriage is that the purpose of being a Proverbs 31 wife (or Ephesians 5 husband) is that it’s about grace, not works. So thankfully it’s not about a ten thousand line to do list, though I concede that many people would give you that impression.


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