Outlaws? Just getting out of the way…

Go visit pretty linkie.  Pound on the headphones a minute.  DH is getting me into Disciple… good beat, good lyrics.

It’s time to fly, folks.  Time to get out of God’s way in your life.  In my life.  To kick down the doors in my heart that have gotten between what He wants and what I find comfortable.  To rip the box labelled “Hearthrose” off the creation inside.   It’s time to leave myself behind.  To fly.

I see myself so often acting like a human and I don’t really want to do that anymore.  I see myself saying things to fill the silence when there’s nothing I honestly want to say.  I see myself coming up with comments just to be known as someone with a ready quip.  I rummage around my head defining myself and wrap myself up until the people outside see something and someone that I don’t recognize.  I quiet myself when I should speak up, I huddle in fear when I should step out.

And all the while, that still soft voice is urging me onwards.  Upwards.  Towards the next thing.

And then I decide that I see the new Christian box that I should be in, and I try to crawl into that…. but I’m not supposed to be in a box.  I am a vessel of Christ, yes… but I’m pretty sure it’s not a BOX.  I’m also pretty sure that I’m not supposed to spend this much time staring at myself.  Ever trying to improve myself and ever telling God that I’ve got this.  HOGWASH.

Do you ever just get annoyed with yourself?  Like, you know you’re not doing what you ought to do but it’s so hard to let go of what you’ve always done?  A nice pie crust isn’t filo dough, but it’s good… enough.. right?  NOT GOOD ENOUGH.  Not.

I don’t want to stop walking, just because it looks like I’ve gotten here.  I haven’t!  I want so much more.  So much more bravery, so much more transparency.  I want to make a difference in so many more lives.  This presses on me all the time… I want to be utterly transformed.

How can the materials transform themselves?  I’m not the Creator, I don’t know what the final product is, but I yearn.  Ach, I yearn.  My wings ache.

I want to give myself, my heart, my Lord, to so many others.  I see hearts broken, lives muddled, and I hold Light itself in my heart… why can they not see Him?  Why?

Lord, let me get out of Your way.  Please.  Make me transparent, so that seeing me, they see You.

 

 

NOTE:  I wrote this today, and I wrote tomorrow’s piece this weekend, but… they kind of work in this order.  So, go with it, k?  Thanks.  🙂

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