Do you have any idea how easy it would be for me to play at being the perfect little Christian housewife?
I grew up in the Baptist church. Saved at 4. Baptized at 6. AWANA through Jr. High – and I volunteered in AWANA through HS.
I’m married to my HS sweetheart. We married 1 year after my graduation from a four-year college. Five years after that, we bought a house. Five years after that, we were delivered of our first child. Three and a half years later, another joined. Two kids, boy and girl. I’m a stay-at-home-mom who homeschools and cooks from scratch and reads theology for fun. I read my Bible every day, pray and serve in a minor capacity in my local church.
And I have well over 100 recipes for jello salad. 😉
Other than, perhaps, the variety of jello salad – this is what we call a life “win”. You know what my old church didn’t really care about? They didn’t care about my heart. Outward obedience was everything. Now, I’m all for obedience – just take a read through my older posts. But making all with the nice and keeping everything superficial, keeping everyone outside and the problems in life wrapped safe and warm ’round your heart of hearts… that’s HYPOCRISY.
I don’t want to be a “whitewashed tomb” or a clean-looking cup filled with filth.
Nothing was wrong with how I was grown and trained… until *I* chose not to follow God, but follow my own will while taking the easy path of non-confrontation. Want to know a life-truth? So long as you give the World what it wants to see, you can do anything you want. The World wanted a smart young woman who went to college and that’s what it got. There were plenty of teachers at my HS who knew that I was hypocrite #1… they didn’t care. Freaked one out pretty badly by working at local craft store while going to JC though. You’d think I’d knifed her.
But Christianity isn’t about being clean on the outside… until after you’re clean on the inside. It looks like the stuff that Christians do is what matters, but it’s not. It’s the relationship we have with Christ that matters, because He’s the one who cleans us up, starting on the inside.
So I want to talk about the inside of my cup, the inside of my life. And I don’t want to talk about the outside, and I don’t really want to share my recipes for jello salad (unless you ask). You can get that elsewhere. I want to be so real, so raw, that you, my reader, are prodded in the spots you’ve hidden away, the ones you want to think that no one else has. The weak places that we “good Christians” aren’t supposed to have. ‘Cause we are all tots perfect already. -rolls eyes-
AND I want to do that without telling you things you don’t need to know about my life. If you’re waiting for some sort of internet confessional, keep clicking your mouse – it won’t be here. This is ideas not memories. Now, not past.
I told my husband that I was working hard on being more transparent, more honest. He laughed. Told me that I was the kind of girl who sat in the corner chewing her nose (those are his words) after making sure that everyone else was happy. And that is entirely true. It is very, VERY easy for me to do that. To be quiet, to not make any waves or say anything or stir the pot. I don’t have to think about it. It comes naturally.
BUT… I’ve left that town and I’m on my way to Truth. The journey begins.