Staring at the sky, longing… staring at the water, longing. I see a movie about whales interacting with (and being petted by) humans in the wild. I weep for what is lost. Heart breaking, knowing that once upon a time, this was how it was. This was our reality. This was part of what we were created to enjoy. Ruined. Gone. Destroyed.
Beauty is something with multiple facets, but certainly one of them is wholeness. Finding beauty is finding creation in something approaching its original state, rediscovering original specifications. Why must I weed out my grass to have beauty? The curse. Why does time take the shine from my skin and my hair? The curse. Why must I dust and mend and spend so much of my life pushing back on entropy? Because we have been cursed.
There is, to my mind, no harm in mourning the cursed state that we now “enjoy”. The Word says that even creation groans, waiting for the Lord to come so that it can be remade. Cleaned. New. Free. If rocks are waiting … if the *rocks* want our Lord to come back and reign, how much more so shall I? There is nothing wrong with admitting that I want what was lost. If t’were worth nothing… then the loss would be nothing.
Am I an ambassador, am I someone from another land? I am… whatever I am here. But eternally – which means now, as well as after my corporeal death – I am God’s precious daughter, clean and sinless, aligned with the will of the Lord in all things. Pushing the old nature to the ground, where it deserves to be… ridding myself of its filth, its endless tiresome whining, doing what I can, for all is really His to do, only mine to will, to ask, to pray, to offer up.
James 3:11 Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter?
To thine own self be true. I want to be true to myself. But I don’t want to be true to my basest instincts and random desires, I want to be true to the best of me. The “me” that I think of, when I think of myself. The bright center created by the Lord. I want to be good. I enjoy walking in the Light. I align with goodness. I am this, because I have been made this, washed with the Blood of the Lamb. But I *have been made new* and there is no wrongness in saying that I just don’t want to have dirt on my heart. It itches, it burns, it hurts, it makes me ashamed.
Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:
I want to cast aside every weight and run this race. I want to run Home and be transformed. I want life before the curse.
(I found the image via Pinterest on the “Science/Nature” board, it has the following link: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lu7k1dj1L61qb777ko1_500.jpg)