Why I suck as an apologist:
I was saved when I was four years old. I didn’t have one of those big changes in life … I was four! Four year olds are rarely known for their wicked ways and terrible habits. I found out that Jesus wanted to come into my heart, and I had to invite Him… so after the flannelgraph (yes, really) I went home and got on my knees and did that.
I’ve always heard the Holy Spirit in my heart. I got pressured to walk up the aisle and get baptized – and I did that. I got pressured to surrender my whole heart … and I didn’t do that. (‘Cause boys). But the call? I heard the call. Every summer camp for years … until I blocked it out with my own sins, I heard the call.
I talk to Jesus all the time, and He talks to me. Not in words, usually – although it happens. Not in voice, as of yet – but while I’d be overwhelmed, I wouldn’t disbelieve. I just – I know stuff.
So, there’s never been a time in my life when I didn’t believe. When I didn’t have Jesus in my heart, someone to talk to, someone who I *knew*. It’s like disbelieving in your grandpa. Like, really? You can call him on the phone, of course you believe in Grandpa. /eyeroll.
The really great apologists seem to mostly have started out as atheists and other non-believers. Not cradle (for lack of a better word) Christians. It’d be like trying to prove that your chair exists. Someone comes up and tells you to prove that you really have a chair. You’re just looking at them like, “Huh? Of course I have a chair. Can you not see my chair?”
As for evangelism, I care deeply about evangelism, and I give my darnedest to be a good friendship evangelist. I *love* to talk theology with people. Love it! But the close? Not my thing. Well, the Lord said that some are give to sow the seed, some to water it, some to harvest. Apparently I don’t have a sickle. But my heart is for the gospel. I can’t let myself be discouraged, simply because I have a watering can or a jar of seed.
I’m me – and I can only go out and be the best me I can be. And if you want to know about Jesus? Let me tell you about my Master! Love to! Prove Him? Uh. I can give you resources… but I’ve never needed to work that problem, so I can’t help you as well as I ought. Resources, I’ve got resources – and again, I’d love to point you on the way.
Apologies – for my lack of apologetics.