I had the most awesome experience Saturday night during communion service.
I was praying, as you do, trying to get clean before you take the bread and the cup. While I waited for the bread, I realized that there was something in my life that I was idolizing. Not a *bad* thing, mind you. A very good thing – such a good thing, and a cherished thing, that it’s super easy for me to let that slip into idolatry. I confessed my idolatry, and took the bread.
While waiting for the cup, I heard (in my mind) Jesus ask me if I trusted Him with that thing. I said, “yes”. So He told me that He was taking the burden completely off my shoulders, and that He was going to ease my mind and heart completely – no more me striving to take each thought captive, He was coming in and just *taking* them. And He’s promised to give me the right words, and do all the steering.
This is an enormous blessing! I know that I am responsible to take each thought captive, but the battle has been so fierce. Struggle and strive, strive and struggle. And now, now I don’t have to. Such a weight lifted.
It was CS Lewis who said that we had to give over our striving when we came to the end of our own strength – but that there’s only one way to know when it’s time to surrender, and that’s to *come* to the end of your strength. To walk as far as you can walk on your own, to will yourself to do as much as you can do, and mourn that you can’t get one step further along, even if you are crawling and clawing at the ground to make progress.
I rejoice, and I wanted to thank those who have been praying for me. I’m still very much in the thick of battle – but I’ve had SUCH a blessing, and I am so very very grateful. Praise the Lord!