If you’ve read the last few blogs, you’ll know that I’m being worked on in regards to persistence, and that I do tend to despair. There’s my caveat to this discussion – right up front where it belongs.
Sometimes we get in situations where what we are doing feels like throwing pearls before swine. Or we have a personal conflict and we make the effort to get resolve and the other party isn’t ready to (or doesn’t wish to) get things sorted.
What do you do? Do you persist… aka keep doing the same things and keep getting hurt? Keep offering the same pearls, only to watch them get crushed under trotters? I don’t.
And maybe that’s a problem. Because I will stay so long as I feel like I can make a difference. I’ll make the first move to reconcile. I’ll open the door to talk. I’ll even leave the door open behind me. But I won’t stand around and get stepped on. If you don’t want me… I can find other things to do. Other people to talk to.
I freak people out sometimes. Because I am a very open, very sweet person – and I’ll put up with a lot of junk in order to keep a relationship going. If you need me, I’m not only there… I really enjoy being there for you. But if you don’t want me? Or you’re really being obnoxious? Guess what. Not there any longer. “Where’d Hearth go?” Hearth is somewhere else, reading a book, taking a bath, or working on her sewing.
If I have a relationship with you that I can’t withdraw from? I’ll do everything in my power to right my side of the equation. I’ll pray to find new ways to fix my side of the equation. I’ll pray to stay on top of things…. and I’ll wait. I’m learning that not everything is about me (I know, shocker, right?) and sometimes people are going through their own stuff. That’s hard for me – but you know what doesn’t work? It doesn’t work to wrap myself ’round them and take everything personally.
I guess I’m saying – if I can withdraw, I do. If I can’t, I don’t – but I focus on the stuff that I can do something about, and pray hard against getting emotionally wrapped up in things I can’t fix. Either way, if you want me – you know where to find me. But that – that doesn’t mean that you get to stomp me into the ground because you’re going through tough times. If it’s not my fault, I’m not going to do penance.
Is that despair? Is that a lack of persistence?
I tend to think that it’s more like common sense.